I am tired.
I’m sitting outside, listening to some birds, finally getting some food into my stomach after a long day of packing up PNC. There are so many details to be taken care of and my mind is a buzz. Writing calms me, so here I am.
I am very ready to be done this week. It’s not that it hasn’t been good- in fact, there have been many lovely moments: a Farewell Open Mic on Friday, a quiet service on Sunday after an encouraging morning at another church, a warm final drop-in yesterday and lots of help with packing today. It’s that we are finally staring down the move out of 201 Cowan and about to embark on the reboot that I proposed months ago. The expenses have been brought down, some final bills are being paid, a post office box has been secured and yes, we are spilling out into the neighbourhood. I am excited and hopeful and anxious.
I am also feeling vulnerable and under-housed. The community seems to connect with these feelings. People are drawing close and seeing that I “get” (in a whole new way) a lot of what they are constantly going through. We are on this journey together and it is deepening our bond. I have long felt protected by my friends in Parkdale, though now it feels even fiercer. And it truly goes both ways. I am prepared to do whatever I can to help see my community continue.
I have been brought to tears on more than a few occasions this week, and am sure this will continue. Sometimes they are tears born out of being entirely overwhelmed, but more often they are tears of gratitude. I am oh so grateful. Grateful for the way people are gathering around, for overhearing someone describe PNC as a place full of love, for having enough when it seems the well is dry, for being given this opportunity to be a leader who follows and for believing that God has promised us a future.
This trusting stuff is tiring. And deeply good.