I had to pull down the PNC sign from both the gate and door at 201 Cowan Avenue on the weekend. For me, this made the move official. PNC no longer has its own building.
To be honest, I am relieved that the move is finally done. It was so.much.work. The amount of “stuff” that accumulated in our space was, at least for me, astonishing. I found things that clearly were made with some purpose and yet I have no idea what for. I discovered things squirreled away in corners and cupboards. As we purged and packed I became thankful for the freedom from things. I also became admittedly overwhelmed, occasionally stressed and rather emotional.
Moving, as right as I believe it is, means entering a time of unknown, of in between, of newness. In response to the question, “what is something that makes you sad?” one of our youngest community members drew a picture on Sunday of many stick people carrying a large box. She said she felt sad that the people were carrying away her church. For this little person that is indeed what is happening. Oh my.
I want to honour the sadness. I don’t want to belittle the magnitude of this change. I will join with others in weeping. I also want to persist in announcing that we are a community that exists outside of a building. We will continue to gather; to support; to create; to question; to pray; to dance; to love. I have come to enjoy describing us as a community that is spilling out into the hood. We are going to be present and very visible as we wander the streets, hold a drop-in at Bonar-Parkdale Presbyterian, tend the plot in the community garden, etc, etc.
It is also time for me to focus on developing good structure and new process. I need to find even more opportunity to share PNC’s story and invite people in. I need to raise funds. These are not small tasks. I pray for wisdom, discernment, humility and strength. I pray that I will remember that I am not alone. Because I really am not.
I have a little book of readings that I try to look at daily. The latest entry contained this: “You gain confidence through knowing that I am with you- that you face nothing alone. Anxiety stems from asking the wrong question: ‘If such and such happens, can I handle it?’ The true question is not whether you can cope with whatever happens, but whether you and I can handle anything that occurs.”
Bring it on.