I have been reading a book about writing by Ann Lamott where she encourages authentically writing about your experience, whatever it may be. I don’t know if she would consider it wise to write (for the public) when one is feeling low. I should ask her. Or maybe I should really go hide in a corner. Instead, here I am.

Someone told me this week they wonder if I should consider “throwing in the towel” at PNC. They didn’t mean I should step aside for someone else to do the job. They meant close the doors. If it is possible for tears to well up in your stomach, then that is what happened to me. They started to slosh around, rise up and finally escape out my eyes. There were few words at first.

Then the words started to pour out of me, so fast they overtook the tears. I talked about how unique it is to have a community whose core is made up of people who are not traditional leaders. I talked about being a church without our own walls and how we do so much with the little that we have. We don’t spend money that isn’t there. We rely on partners, and they in turn on us. We love being together. I wanted to scream, “listen to our story!”.

PNC is a motley crew of people: we have different skin colours, cultural backgrounds and life experiences. We are a beautiful tapestry, woven together not by our differences, but the ways we are alike- our common humanity. I cannot imagine disbanding our group. Not for a single moment.

I can understand, on some level, why someone would suggest that stopping might make sense. We don’t have a building; our funding isn’t secure; my “office” is the street. Those, and I truly mean this, are just the surface things. Would it be nice to have those things? Absolutely. Can we rely on them? Absolutely not.

And so I am feeling weary and raw and quite defensive of my community. A community that doesn’t have a “church”, we are just trying to be one. I am not going to throw in the towel.

3 thoughts on “Throwing in the Towel

  1. erinn, that is ridiculous to think of throwing in the towel! what you have is beautiful and it works. your people love you. the community is wonderful. so what if you don’t have a church or an office. neither did Jesus! and He is who we want to model ourselves after. It’s all about extravagantly loving… that’s it!
    love sue

  2. Dear Erinn,

    First, a big and reassuring hug.

    Second, I simply don’t see how you don’t have a “church”. You have a community that loves, cares about, and helps one another You have faith, committment, and a common purpose. It strikes me that one of the greatest strengths of PNC is that you *don’t* have walls; quite the opposite, in fact. There is no physical barrier to keep people in and, equally important, no physical barrier to keeping people out. Isn’t that the whole point of PNC?

    xo/Riali

  3. Dear Erinn,
    You need that towel. You are of “the order of the towel”. . . the washers and driers of weary feet. May God bless and encourage you and grow his work through you, in his way, in his time, through his strength. I have towels I would be honoured to bring you. Thanks for being you and serving the King and his people with dignity. I salute and hug you.
    In him,
    Dave Moon

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