I was lying on my bed this morning looking out the window at the amazingly huge old maple tree across the street. Looking at this tree is nothing new. New this morning though was me noticing the sky beyond it. I’m always staring at the leaves, trying to catch a glimpse of the colour and clouds of the sky through them. It’s actually easy to see the sky by just moving my chin up a little higher.
It occurred to me that this illustrates how I’m feeling these days. I am moving around a little more freely and with some clarity of vision. This instead of being bogged down by other people’s expectations of me, instead of worrying about everything that may or may not happen (be it good or bad), instead of staring at the all the things perceivably “in the way”. I’m not saying I have it all together. I do worry; I make mistakes; I get tired; I weep over broken things. What’s different is the new freedom I feel to just be transparently present in each moment. A number of people, including my own mother, have told me that lately I look relaxed and “lighter”. I didn’t think my deep-down internal worries actually manifested themselves on my exterior. I was wrong.
Maybe ironically it is by being in the moment that I can better take in the whole picture. Take for instance PNC: there are so many things/tasks I need to do on a daily basis, it would be easy to get lost in them and entirely forget about the whole point of why I am there. When I remember to drink in each moment I am gripped by the beauty of the community and the promise of our future together. I become better equipped to envision where we are headed and share the story of the journey.
A new work is being done in my heart. It’s like God has broken me open. He’s parting the trees so that I can also see the sky.